Sunday, April 14, 2013


I'm not and have never been a peaceful person. 

Memories are there to be learnt, not forgotten. Casually seated, at dinner a few days ago with my parents and three sisters, the subject of bullying was discussed. Amazes me how kids treat each others these days, my 7-year-old sister is being bullied by a boy in her class, he would hit her in the head, or such. Claiming it's a minor joke he does to everybody, the teacher said he never meant to hurt her. I don't know if this is how everybody feels, but my blood boils hearing about it. Nobody can have the courtesy of hurting my sister, nobody. She feels threatened, she mentioned that if she were to yell at him, he would cry and the teacher would make her apologize, and she doesn't wan't to apologize for something like that. Haha, the little cocky girl that she is. 

As a child, I hated how I looked. Amidst the hundreds of Indonesian kids in my school, I stood out, and it wasn't much of a blessing back then. I wasn't a loner, I had tons of friends, okay, like 4. But I was a nice kid, the only drama I was involved it, was on stages. It didn't stop other kids from calling me names though. They called me "Goblin" for my tall nose, and all other things that I don't remember entirely. I was nervous all the time, I got stage fright just going in front of the class to write my answers, my hands would shake badly, then my lips would tremble and my pitch distracted, making my voice disappear and reappear inconstantly, yep, that bad. Harry Potter was so in back then, and I was so offended being called a goblin, because I am not a selfishly mean mystical creature who works in the wizard bank. Duh. 

But that's where my peace lies, across the pages of books, hidden among hundreds of letters, words and sentences. Every chapter is another door, every book is another world. I like to travel in them, have my mind off of the world for a while, just letting my head capture whatever the author painted. My favorite spot in primary was the library, after school, that's where you should look if you wanted to find me. I would bring another story back to the dinner table every night, my parents were frustrated on how to get me to shut up. I couldn't fall asleep without a book in my hands, it was the only medicine for my insomnia. Which I allegedly had. 

A few weeks ago, I finished a book which is very dear to me, called "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green. The books captured emotions like no other I have read, it was just different and heartfelt. I was so very touched by it that I purchased another books written by the same author. I'm now in the middle of "Looking for Alaska" which also seem as good so far.  I took it to the pool with me on tuesday, when we had a day off this crazy week. I haven't swam in so long, it felt like a weight is lifted off my shoulders as the water touched my feet. Floating is healthy, at least for your soul. Seeing the clouds just moving away slowly is very peaceful, it makes me wish I know how big the universe is. The idea of infinity can be a little bit scary and my curious self is incapable of that. When you dive, ever felt of that strength of like.. like you're telling gravity to eff himself. I'm claustrophobic and have asthma, the fear of drowning and not being able to breathe will always be there, but in some of our fear, we find peace. I'm not and have never been a peaceful person, but I find peace in different places and I indulge myself in them, whether it's music, reading, writing, without reminder I'll crawl back to them time after time, but always. 

I also captured a picture of this beautiful butterfly,
Did you know that in some cultures, butterfly is believed to be the messenger of angels in heaven?

xx, nessie

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