Tuesday, March 12, 2013

“One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Mind this text or not, for even I, the writer, doubt the relevance of this text and whether or not I’m ever going to re-read it. I’m here just to explore this urge to write.
I’m sick at the moment. My head terribly hurts, and my fingers shake as
I write this. I couldn’t stay at home for it makes me feel more like a patient, I, of course, acted like I was alright, and ask the driver to take me since I can’t see anything clearly without squinting my eyes almost tight. I don’t want to risk killing anyone if I were to drive, because no, my father isn’t some powerful guy in the government who can get people to drop all the charges if I’m trapped behind bars. Whoops. 

Well, sarcasm and insinuation aside, I’m here sitting at a coffee shop; green sofa, looking at a green wall decorated with some abstract paintings. The smell of different types of coffee fill the space, and currently I’m enjoying the strong scent of caramel, ordered by a korean lady with a big trolley put right next to me, blocking my view of the pouring rain. She has a short simple haircut, with thick glasses that frames her face perfectly. Her gesture is awkward, and her choice of clothing reflects her ignorance of fashion, clear that she’s a housewife, a very busy one. She’s gotten herself a new pair of gold watch, took them out of the grocery bag and put it inside of her bag in hurry, a secret gift for herself, I see. She’s now getting up to leave, her husband, who looks so much older than her, waves silently from afar. I now have back my view of the wet, trembling trees across the street.

My hot chocolate has gone cold. A few teenagers chit chat in the background, taking photos of themselves and their Starbucks cups. Ha. I do that too sometimes, embarrassing. Upon my arrival, I saw a couple of kids talking to each other outside, they are what we call ‘Ojek Payung’, kids who offer their service of umbrellas so people don’t get wet getting to their car. One boy, about 6-7 years-old, was saying how he really wants to know why the ‘Rich People’ go to Starbucks, “Don’t they sell coffee like others?,” he said thoughtfully. His friend, a boy slightly shorter than he is, replied calmly, “I can make coffee, the other day my mom taught me how to.” Couldn’t help but to smile at the thought of his innocence. Now, If it wasn’t too cold outside and my head wasn’t about to explode, maybe I’d stop and chat with them. 

As cliche as this sounds; life really is a roller-coaster. I redefine what I think of it every 5 minutes. It’s ridiculous. Sometimes I feel great with the choices I have made, and sometimes I stop to think, and see that I have made some terrible ones over the years. My cousin and sister have grown the balls to open and operate a coffee shop. Now, as a girl taking the same course of business as them, it’s only natural for everyone to start asking me what I am doing or planning to do. At college, I only have my trained public answer of wanting to, in the future, be in the fashion or music industry, they assume I’d like to have my own recording company. Well, I’d like that, but that’s not exactly what I meant. I don’t know why I don’t have the natural instinct or even the guts to try jumping into businesses like my sister and cousin. It’s scares me, I can’t handle that kind or responsibility. Trust me, it worries me too. The only class that excites me, though I’m terrible at, is that Academic Writing class. I like it when I’m given the opportunity to create. CREATE. Pour out my insanity on a medium, any kind. But I don’t know if I am ever going to be able to sell things. I just got ghoosebumps thinking about it. 

Enough of future talk, it’ll give me nightmares. As the sky darkens, I’m still sitting on this green comfortable couch. The rain has now eased. The last taste of chocolate is sour in my mouth, not exactly my favorite kind of sensation. I can smell vanilla, smells just like my perfume, really wish my room could smell like this. I’m currently doing a project on the United Kingdom for my Working Across Borders class. One quotation I found on how they view the future is “One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” I absolutely agree or I’m forced by my fear to agree, the present, that what you have now, is more important than the future and its uncertainty. I’ll try to somehow make it through the night.

xx, nessie.

Posted 2 weeks ago on xxnessie.tumblr.com
© Nasreen A Judge 2012. All Rigts Reserved.

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